100+ Dirty & Funny Pickup Lines

Did you fart? cuz you blew me away.
Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special.
My Love, you’re you is like diarrhea. I can’t hold it in.
Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em.
If you n I were Squirrels, I’d store my nuts in yer hole.
You might not be the best-looking girl here, but beauty’s only a light switch away.
Man – “Fat Penguin!” Woman – “WHAT?” Man – “I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.”
I know I’m not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
If yer gonna regret this in the morning, we kin sleep til afternoon.
Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
If there was a party in your mouth I’d be the first person to come
How about you sit on my lap and we can talk about the first thing that pops up
Let’s play titanic when I say iceberg you go down
If I was a watermelon would you spit my seed?
The only reason I would kick you out of the bed is to fcuk you on the floor
I would call Heaven and tell them an angel was missing, but I’m kinda hoping you’re a slut!

I’m like Domino’s Pizza. If I don’t cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
Wanna Job? It Blows!
My dick just died, can I bury it in your vagina?
Hi, I’m a burglar… and I’m gonna smash your back door in!
You can call me “The Fireman”….mainly because I turn the shoes on!
I’m a zombie, can I eat you out?
I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me.
I’m a businessman. I work in orifices, got any openings?
I’m going to have s*x with you later, so you might as well be there!
Some men go around telling women they have an eight-inch p*nis; I’d never shortchange myself like that!
The last woman I was with said, “Kiss me where it stinks.” So, I drove her to New Jersey.
Can I park my car in your garage? It’s pretty big, but it doesn’t leak.
I have a tongue like an anteater; want to go to the zoo?
I’m not a d*ck in real life, but I’ll play one in your v*gina tonight!
Your a*s is pretty tight, want me to loosen it up?
Looks don’t matter, I’ll just wrap you in a flag and fcuk you for glory.
Hey, is that a keg in your pants? Cause I’d sure love to tap THAT a*s!
I would tell you a joke about my p*nis….buts its too long

My magical watch says you’re not wearing any p*nties…oh, you are? Damn, it must be an hour fast…
“I may not have gotten your virginity, but can I, at least, have the box it came in?
” I’m a Gemini. What’s your sign – Fire Down Below?
We should play strip poker. You can strip, and I’ll poke you.
I’ve got a big one, you wanna see how hard it works?
Hey baby, what’s your sign? Caution, Slippery When Wet, Dangerous Curves ahead, Yield?
Roses are red, violets are blue, we’re having s*x, cause I’m stronger than you
My cat’s dead, can I play with your p*ssy instead?
Hey baby, I’m kind of cold, Can I use your thighs as earmuffs?
If I was a robot and you were one too, If I lost a bolt would you give me a screw?
The names D*ck, can I put it in you?

Yeah. I’m an a*shole, but will that stop me from getting in yours?
I think my allergies are acting up. Cuz every time your around my d*ck swells up.
Walk up to a female and look at her crotch then look at her face back to crotch to face and say “Are you gonna eat that?”
Baby, I want to wear you like a pair of sunglasses, one leg over each ear.
Hey! tell your ni*ples to stop staring at my eyes.
Those bo*bs look very heavy… can I hold them for you?
Let’s play circus, first sit on my face I’ll guess ur weight and Let’s eat the difference
How about you get on your knees and smile like a donut!
That dress would look great on my bedroom floor!
You are so selfish! You’re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
I’ve just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.
Come here or my d*ck will start CUMING for you!
What’s the biggest moving muscle in a women’s body makes My cock!
I’m bigger and better than the Titanic … only 200 women went down on the Titanic
Lets play house…you can be the door so I can slam you all I want!
The word for tonight is “legs.” Let’s go back to my place and spread the word?
Do you handle chickens because you look like you’d be good with c*cks
Do you have rubbers at your house or should I pull out?
I’m no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bedrock!
First, I’d like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I’ll move up to your belly button.
Baby!! My love for you is like Diarrhea. It just keeps coming out
Lie down on that couch and pretend your legs hate each other.
Having s*x is a lot like golf. I’m always happy when I get a hole in one.
Your pants remind me of Vegas…. The kinda place I go to blow my Wad.
How much do your clothes cost? (Woman says “Why do you want to know?”) Cause I`ll need to know how much to pay you back after I rip them off.!
Wanna make like scarface and say hello to my little friend
Your br*asts remind me of Mount Rushmore….my face should be among them.
Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I’ll throw you my meat.
As long as you need a place to sit, you’ll always have my face.
Beauty is only skin deep; a huge c*ck goes much deeper.
Do you cum here, often?
Wanna do something that rhymes with truck?
Do you know the difference between my p*nis and a chicken wing? No? Well, let’s go on a picnic and find out!
My d*ck just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
Guess what?! I’ve got an 8″ tongue and I can breath out of my ears!
Do you have a boyfriend? (Yes) Do you mess around? (No) Would you hold still while I do?
Have you ever bought a vibrator? (No.) Do you want to rent one?
“Are you cold? Would you like a jacket? Because you can jack it when we get back to my place”
You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can br*astfeed by you until I’m 5.
Since we shouldn’t waste things in this bad economy, what you say we use these co*doms in my pocket before they expire.
“Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears?” (pull your pockets inside out) “Would you like to?”
Let’s go to my place and do some math add a bed subtracts our clothes divide your legs and multiply
Hey! Wanna play war? I lay on the floor and you blow the fcuk out of me!
If we were both squirrels would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
“I’m against animal cruelty, so don’t hurt my monkey, please stroke it gently”
“Wanna take a shower with me to conserve water?”
“When I see you, sea levels aren’t the only thing rising…”
“Your so hot you must’ve started all of the global warmings”
“Turning off your Engine, gets my motor humming”
“I don’t drive a car, but I’d love to walk you home!”
”Turning off the Lights, is one of my Turn On’s”
“I bet your Dad is an Environmentalist because you are so eco-friendly”
“You eyes are as bright as energy saving halogen light bulbs, would you light up my life?”
Screw the nice list, I’ve got you on my “nice and naughty list!
That’s not a candy cane in my pocket. I’m just glad to see you!